Crazy Head = Fun Times!
So the other night I had pretty much convinced myself that I was pregnant.
If you have been reading this blog for a while, you will know that Casey and I are not planning on a baby right now. Someday, but not just now.
I’ve talked about getting the IUD inserted last month and, as you may know, it is a very reliable form of birth control. So, as a sensible person, I really should not be entertaining such crazy thoughts, right? Hmmm.
I was trying to go to sleep, which is the prime time for crazy head to take over, and I got thinking about how tender and swollen the girls (oh the searches I will get now!) have been feeling lately and how that is one of the symptoms of being in the family way.
Then I started thinking about the other things I could remember about pregnant ladies: no energy (check!), nausea at random times (check!), sensitivity to smells (check!), increased sex drive (check!)…
After checking on the internet, I was convinced. I am totally pregnant. (As a side note, never look up symptoms for things at 3 am- you will always convince yourself you are dying/ pregnant/ growing a horn, etc)
Then, I started thinking about how with an IUD in there, I will probably have a mutant child. (I started getting flashes of horrible images: little babies with the device growing out of its head…) I am definitely going to hell! My baby is going to die!
As if that wasn’t bad enough, then I started thinking about how you have a higher chance of having an ectopic/ tubal pregnancy with an IUD. So I probably have one of those and my fallopian tube will explode and I will die.
Ack, I am going to die.
If I don’t die, then I am going to have a mutant baby.
After horrifying myself some more by looking up more helpful information on the internet. I once again settle back into bed beside my blissfully asleep husband and try to settle my racing heart. Eventually I do manage to fall asleep somehow, having exhausted myself further by staying up too late in my fragile state.
The next morning, Casey comes in to kiss me goodbye as normal before he leaves for work. He is startled as I jerk awake and start to rant at him about how I am probably pregnant and that I am going to go get a test so we can be sure and we can figure out what to do so I don’t die from my fallopian tube exploding.
I tell him I will call him after I get the test results. (Why that man puts up with me, I have no idea.)
Luckily, he is not the panicking sort, so he sort of pats me on the head and tells me to go get the test before I get worried, which I promptly ignore, and run to call the super nice nurse at my doctor’s office. She tells me to come by and they will do the urine test to get some quick results and then they will do the blood test to make extra sure. I like this woman’s thought pattern- covering all angles.
So it turns out that I am definitely not pregnant. She said that I am probably adjusting to the IUD and the hormones and stuff.
Ooops.
So the moral of this story is: Never look stuff up on the internet at 3 am and calm-headed nurses and husbands rule. Also, don’t trust the crazy head.
Also, given that I am not pregnant- the IUD is quite possibly the best thing ever made (once you get it in there). Bigger boobs and better sex??! Alright!
(just my experience so far. ahem.)
March 21st, 2006 at 1:52 am
Wow, didn’t realize that other people are crazy like me too! I like when I spend 4 hours worrying that my IUD is hemmorraging my uterus rendering me completely sterile and unable to have kids ever. Then I like to move on to how my life will be after I find out I’m so close to death and how I’ll be alive enough to understand how screwed I am, yet not dead enough to stop worrying. Then I love to make the classic mistake of going on the world wide web. Pain in my abdomen? YES, this is the symptom to hundreds of fatal diseases. I must have all of them. Or a new combination of some that the doctors have never seen…Somehow in the end, an essay is due, or my ass gets fatter, inevitably giving me something else to worry about. I’d battle another hypochondriac anyday; BRING IT! Maybe we could tag team?
March 21st, 2006 at 2:58 am
Dude, that was great. Yes calm husbands rule and the internet is dangerous!!! Mutant baby!! Funny but not funny yoou know what I mean. You have me cracking up….At two in the morning…while i’m up checking the internet for symptoms.
March 21st, 2006 at 7:28 am
That is totally something I would do too!! Thank heavens for calm husbands! And damn that internet – it only promotes obsessiveness!
March 21st, 2006 at 7:51 am
I had an IUD inserted in January of 1985 and conceived one month later. When I called the doctor’s office and told them I thought I was pregnant — it was either that or dying — they said IMPOSSIBLE! Luckily, the doctor was able to remove the IUD; some people are not so fortunate and have spontaneous abortions around six months.
What my doctor *didn’t* tell me — I don’t think she knew — was that the IUD needs a complete cycle to become effective. I should have been told to use another form of birth control that first month. Now, all these years have gone by (My darling Matthew is 20 years old!) and the technology may be a little different … but check with your doctor just to be sure.
March 21st, 2006 at 8:55 am
Oh, I’ve totally done that too. The Internet is a wonderful but evil resource for things like that…
March 21st, 2006 at 9:46 am
Hmmm…perhaps this is the answer to my birth control pill woes? Not pregnancy. The IUD.
March 21st, 2006 at 9:53 am
I have convinced myself I have all kinds of crazy crap when I am in a panic and logging on to WebMD. Good to know its not just me, and glad to hear you are not unexpectedly expecting!
March 21st, 2006 at 10:59 am
So true about Googling conditions on the internet. I sometimes start to get symptoms that I read about. Yeesh.
March 21st, 2006 at 11:01 am
Oh god, like we all haven’t been there at least once. The real question is, were a little disappointed?
March 21st, 2006 at 12:44 pm
You and that crazy head! Of course, we all do it every now and then. But it’s still nice to have a Casey and a super-great nurse to get through it.
March 21st, 2006 at 2:13 pm
Seriously: Early pregnancy symptoms are the WORST, because any time you have one symptom, you most definitely have many. I think every woman must go through that at some point… although the mutant part must have made it worse.
March 21st, 2006 at 3:38 pm
I’ll keep your words of advice in the back of my head. No internet after 1am, and I don’t have a husband so I don’t have to worry about that and I’ll always look for a calm nurse. ;D
March 21st, 2006 at 5:21 pm
Oh I’m gald you’re okay!
March 21st, 2006 at 9:29 pm
don’t even get me started on 3am hypochondria. according to my insane brain i’ve had the following: appendicitis, immaculate conception, leukemia, brain tumors, blood clots, alzheimers, heart attack, MS, parkinson’s, and bell’s palsy.
let’s start a club.
March 22nd, 2006 at 1:19 am
I’ve been convinced that I have a dead ectopic fetus lodged in my tubes for MONTHS. seriously. THAT, or some insane tumor that no one believes I have. I’ve asked the gyno and they say they see nothing. BUT SOMETHING IS THERE. I am also a hypochondriac. I vote NEVER looking up symptoms on the internets. It can only lead to trouble.
March 22nd, 2006 at 12:41 pm
I had a smilar symptoms and a smililar crazed night when I began taking these horrid prpgesterone-based birth control pills. Glad to hear things have settled down.
March 22nd, 2006 at 4:37 pm
the internet is definitely evil for that sort of thing.
March 22nd, 2006 at 5:21 pm
OMG – that’s hilarious. I totally get crazy head too. And the internet does nothing but feed crazy head. I very recently also convinced myself that I could be pregnant. It turns out I am not. Again- the crazy head. I am right there with you, sister!
March 23rd, 2006 at 11:18 am
That’s a good lesson to learn. Most of the info out there is junk. If you want to learn anything about a condition, I advise finding news articles about it. They’re much less alarmist (unless you’re watching TV news, in which case they’re about as reliable as random websites).
March 23rd, 2006 at 3:36 pm
So reassuring to know that I am not the only one to get “crazy head.” I have sworn off using the internets after 9:30 pm. Doesn’t always seem to help. My magic formula to prevent crazy head is my favorite knit blanket. I wish I knit his blanket but I didn’t. I bought at a local yard sale. It’s brown and white and it’s like a drug. As soon as I wrap myself in this blanket and lay on the sofa, my brain shuts off and I am asleep very soon. Often my husband can not wake me enough to get me off the sofa.
March 24th, 2006 at 12:37 pm
The internet is so so dangerous in an apocolypse-predicting kind of way.
March 27th, 2006 at 5:13 am
Hey! It’s so funny (sorry, but…) to read your posts, because I’m exactly the same. How often I found out that I have cancer … Nice to see, that some people are as crazy as I am
March 28th, 2006 at 4:19 pm
i have done this to myself hundreds of times since the invention of this darn internet… its always the over swollen girls that drive me to the keyboard at 3am.
March 29th, 2006 at 11:00 pm
that’s exactly how I was this summer!! I convinced myself (after rediculous amounts of internet research) that I was not only very pregnant, but i had an ectopic pregnancy. On top of it all, I was out of the country visiting relatives (worst time to deal with something like this)I started having abdominal pains (probably from being sooo stressed) which convinced me even more of my pregnant-ness…I even took a pee-test, which of course came out negative. I didn’t believe it, and still believed I had an ectopic . I thought one of my tubes were going to explode, and one night I really thought “omg, I’m going to die!” hehe, it makes me laugh now, but it was SO AWFUL then!
glad yours was a case of crazy-headedness too!